no rest for the restless

It is currently 1am here and yes I am wide awake. Well maybe not wide awake, just awake bc of the pain. Its normal to be sore after a shot once the local anesthesia they shoot into ur joint wears off. But man, this hurts so damn bad. Even two of my pain pills didn't work. I thought at least it would knock me out but the pain wins the fight against sleep. Oh well....I still have two full days to lay in bed and rest and still have some hope that it will get better. I miss my babies already. I love how excited they get when nana and poppa show up to get them. U just can't get zak into the car fast enuff and ck could care less about me nemore. She went rite into poppas arms and even followed nana into the bathroom! Speaking of ck, mom asked me where I packed the straight jacket for her!!! I laughed so hard. That kid is just everywhere. U put her down somewhere and literally turn around for a second and she's gone. I've had to have full blown search parties look for her. She's been found under the table,in the bathroom with the door closed, and yes even all the way up the stairs. Whoever designed baby gates def never met kids like mine, oops...I mean justins! Lol! Speaking of justin, I can't wait for him to get home and see how much these kids have changed. Its just gonna blow his mind. And I can't wait for zak to see him, and hold him, and play with him. I don't think he's gonna let him put him down for a long while. Ck is gonna take some time bc even tho she knows his picture, she really doesn't know him. And she's very skiddish around men except her poppa...but justin looks so much like his dad, that she mite not even notice much of a diffewrence. That's what I'm hoping for anyway. Either way I'm sure it will be a huge adjustment for the entire family. I did speak to him today for the first time in 2 days. I know it may not seem like a long time but I got used to talking to him everday even just online. And when that's all of a sudden taken away, its extremely hard...no matter how well uve prepared for it. He sounds good tho, tired but good. Very positive and very excited bc he knows his time is almost done. About 2 and a half weeks left of operations for him, possibly sooner but its all up in the air. He is just ecstatic. He sent home a bday present for ck today. Its her first baby doll and u can draw on her and wash her and do it all again. I told him he was so sweet but he shouldve just got her a truck or sumthin bc she's only into the boy toys! Lol! And he actually told me he thought about that!!! I also told him that zak will proly play with that doll, only bc its caycee's and he has to steal everything from her. So his response was to throw that doll away if zak ever played with it! I laughed so hard. I may be wrong but I personally don't see nething wrong with lil boys playing with dolls, to an extent that is. I think its how they learn about sensitivity, and nurturing, and all that. And I think its really cute too. So between me and u, I refuse to throw anything out that's from daddy and if he doesn't like it, he can get rid of it when he gets home. He can be the bad guy for once! Lol! On another note, my sister is really struggling with life right now and I am totally helpess. There is not a thing I can do for her and I feel like that's my job, it always has been. I know things that no one else on earth knows about rite now and its killin me bc I am carrying her secrets with no one to vent to. But a promise is a promise and I would never hurt my sister, ever. I can only hope and pray that she will work everything out and take care of herself and that beautiful big baby! On a worry note, mom got some disturbing news from her mammogram...some kind of nodules were found so off to a breast specialist she goes. There's no family history of breast cancer but doesn't mean there's no chance. She is extremely freaked out and so am I but rite now, she needs me to be strong for her and I will put everything that's happened aside, and hold her hand the entire way. She drives me nuts and I don't understand a lot of wha she does and says but she has molded me into the person and mother I am today and I could never thank her enuff. I guess I can't worry bc I can't even imagine sumthin happening to her. No matter what, she is my mother...she brought me into this world, sat by my bedside nite after nite being told I was going to die, went to work fulltime after my dad left to keep us taken care of, and so much more. She is my hero and always will be. She is so strong and to think of her any other way just riPs me apart. I haven't told anyone this, not even justin. Was afraid to say it out loud bc I thought I'd break. So writing this has helped actually. I just don't get why all these bad things keep happenin to good people? Ugh, just please keep the prayers coming. I know I ask for a lot but my family is goin thru a lot lately and I know deep down its all for a reason. Now that I have thosew crocodile tears running down, its time for me to turn the tv off and do what I do best, cry myself to sleep. Goodnite my babies, mommy loves u.