just another day

well i have had no kids for a little over 24 hours now and i do miss them like crazy. its a really weird feeling when you are around the little guys everyday, every hour, every second and then they arent there. its like i am lost. i should be going out with my friends and enjoying my time but instead, i clean diaper genies, go grocery shopping, and do all the little things that are so much easier wihtout two lil ones hanging on my leg! it is nice to relax tho. i only wish i was able todo that comfortably. the past three days or so, i have been in severe pain...just the worst pain i have ever dealt with. they say god doesnt give you more than u can handle, well, come on...cut me a break here. i felt pretty decent after that last shot in may...but the last few weeks, the pain is just progressing and im not sure why. it just hurts all the damn time. it never used to hurt when i laid in bed. it was my only relief but i cant sleep at all. every way i turn, it just throbs. the best way to describe it is like a constant earache in my hip, if that makes any sense. so i called the doctor today and they said there isnt anything else they can do and told me to call the pain clinic bc they specialize in my kind of pain. but of course i got their answering machine and no word back yet so we will see. and bc i have a great hmo, id have to get referrals before i can see them so i probably wont even get in there for two weeks. and then there is trying to find the time to get the shot or whatever they want to try now, and then the babysitters to watch the kids for 2 days while i recover. i just dont know what to do anymore, i really dont. the only permanent option is having the surgery but then i am giving up having anymore kids and i just cant do that. im just not at that point yet. i keep telling myself that i will wake up one day and it will just magically feel better but im still waiting. i guess i can keep hoping. maybe once justin gets home, ill be too happy to even feel the pain! i know my heart will feel better at least!
on the home front....ah, what can i say? had the police over today. nothing big, just an information report but who knows.....did a certain someone break a strangers window or are they inncoent like they claim??? god only knows. all i know that someone came to our door with broken glass and wanted payment for it and wiht my luck, my truck will take the retaliation. somehow someway, its just my luck...but we will see. it was nice seeing the cop tho, hadnt seen him in awhile. we also have a little rat family living somewhere in the backyard. they are so nasty! john decided to try to smoke them out with these little colored smoke bombs but they didnt work. so they put poison out so hopefully they will be gone in the morning. they are brave little things tho, they just come right out and like taunt us! ugh! as long as they dont find there where into the house, i dont care.
on a positive note, i got to talk to justin today on the internet. not very long, but ill take what i can get. he isnt doing much this week, only busy work and chore like things. he isnt happy but i sure am....i like when i know hes not doing anything. selfish on my part but i wish he could do nothing for the next 29 days. and yes i said 29 days....thats when his operations are suppsed to stop around. so 30 more nights of praying and trying not to worry as i fall asleep. its not that i dont like when hes gone but you can say i have adjusted. i am used to him being gone. i just dont like worrying about his safety. thats the worst part about all of this. but it was good to talk to him. said he wouldnt be calling this week bc of how busy they are, and their lack of sleep but he sounded pretty upbeat on the internet. talked about the house, and all we have to do, the kids, the homecoming, just kept skipping aruond all over the place. thats how i know he is in a good mood, he just jumps around from one thing to the next. god i love that man!